is it really october 2009? oops, ive been missing a few entries here and there. sorry.

i guess ill continue where i left off last year.
i was talking about my dad being really sick for a couple of weeks. well, it just so happened he had pneumonia and his right lung collapsed which explains all the pain and gasping for air.

id like to think i took part in saving his life.

i was driving him; we were on our way to the doctor's office for an emergency walk in. suddenly, he made me stop the car and he literally stumbled out, got down on his hands and knees clutching on for dear life. i felt so helpless, freaking out... i got him back in the car, made a U-turn toward the hospital which felt like a million red lights away.

to make a long story short, he was hospitalized, had open chest surgery and almost died that day. he almost died in my hands. i remember every second, every minute of that day. the colors on his face, the coldness of his body, the fear in my heart.

he's recovering well.

it'll be a year this december.

we got an "out of area" phone call two days ago.

my dad's brother is having open brain surgery, for the second time.
he's in critical condition, cant speak, cant eat, barely conscious.

so he lives on the other side of the planet. ahhhh.


a lot of weird things have been happening. me? im fine.


i cant really complain because im alive, im breathing. and im fine with that.

what ive learned is, things will happen. you just have to deal.

ive been dealing, and i get so tired.


knocking out two doctor's appointments tomorrow.

thats starting to turn into a weekly routine. i hate waiting rooms. they always smell funny.

i use my own pen to sign in. i ask for my own drugs now.

my nightly resting period feels like a blink of an eye, then i wake up with my heart racing from my alarm clock.

i wish for a good night's sleep.